Group: Members
Posts: 3504
Member No.: 10648
Joined: January 17, 2016
One day, Jim and Joe were out fishing when a funeral service passed over the bridge they were fishing by. Jim took off his hat and put it over his heart until the funeral service had passed by.
Joe said "Gee Jim, I didn't know you had it in you!"
Jim replied, "It's the least I could do. After all I was married to her for 30 years."
Group: Members
Posts: 4485
Member No.: 3100
Joined: January 22, 2013
A guy finds a lamp, rubs it and a genie pops out and tells him he'll grant him 3 wishes of anything he wants in the world but anything he wishes for his mother n law gets double. So the man wishes for a car. He gets it but his mother n law got 2. Next he wished for a house but but then his mother law got TWO houses. He thinks carefully before his 3rd wish and finally after some thought he has it. He wishes for the genie to beat him half to death
Group: Members
Posts: 4485
Member No.: 3100
Joined: January 22, 2013
A married man died before he could have sex with his wife. The wife then cut off his penis and mounted it to the wall. Each night she went to the wall and satisfied herself. One day the neighbour Sipho found out what was happening. He then made a hole in the wall, removed the dead man’s penis and put his own penis and waited for the lady. The lady came with a knife and said “darling, we are moving to a new house...
Group: Members
Posts: 5030
Member No.: 877
Joined: November 06, 2011
Two Rednecks & a Weed Eater!
Two rednecks, Jimbo and Bubba, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Jimbo turns to Bubba and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to Community College and sign up for some classes."
Bubba thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Jimbo goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.
'Logic?' Jimbo says. 'What 's that?'
The dean says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?'
'Yeah.'
'Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard.'
'That's true , I do have a yard '
'I'm not done,' the dean says. 'Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.'
'Yes, I do have a house.' '
And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.'
'Yes, I have a family.'
'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be heterosexual.'
'I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater.'
Excited to take the class now, Jimbo shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bubba at the bar.
He tells Bubba about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.
'Logic?' Bubba says, 'What's that?'
Jimbo says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you have a weedeater?'
Group: Members
Posts: 5030
Member No.: 877
Joined: November 06, 2011
Mike is quite the fisherman. He loved to fish until the incident below happened on a rainy day a few weeks ago. He had a gut wrenching time reciting the event and he wanted me to share this with the guys as a warning to you all!
”Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour. The wind was blowing 50 mph.
I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 20 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?' I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped fishing.”
Group: Moderators
Posts: 9377
Member No.: 644
Joined: April 11, 2011
The test: I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year. So we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me. I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. She never did it around anyone else. One day she called me and asked me to come over. 'To check my sister's wedding- invitations' she said. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me. She couldn't overcome them anymore. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married. She said, "Before you commit your life to my sister". Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom" she said, "if you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me". I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment. Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my fiancée's entire family was standing outside, all clapping and cheering! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me. He said, 'Frankie, we are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family my son.' And the moral of the story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.
Group: Members
Posts: 5030
Member No.: 877
Joined: November 06, 2011
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
The joke thread, Add your favorite joke here
