The joke thread, Add your favorite joke here

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note saying,
"I've had enough and left you, don't bother coming after me." She then hid under the bed to watch his reaction.

After a short while the husband came home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he came into the bedroom. She watched him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.
After a few minutes he wrote something on it before he picked up the phone and called someone. "She's finally gone ... Yeah, I know, about bloody time. I'm coming to pick you up. Put on the sexy french stuff. I love you."
He hung up, grabbed his car keys and left.
She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed, seething with rage. With tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he'd written:
"I can see your feet. Stop being retarded. We're outta bread, throw the kettle on. Back in 5 minutes."

Herer's another one.

Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'
The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?'
The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied.'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes,no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.' Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.'

What he said!^^^^

Dave

I like this one too! But don’t rely on spellcheck!

Dave

Lol. Love that one. The Chief for PM

A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."

The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."

The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."

The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.

Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message :

                    *370HSSV-0773H*

Trump was baffled, so he e-mailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China) for help.

Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply :

"Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."

A Forkin' good one,eh!!^^^^^

##############################################

A doctor and his wife are having an argument in the morning over breakfast and the doctor blurts out, "You know what? You're not that great in bed anyways!"

So he goes off to work and thinks it over and decides to call his wife and make amends.....

So he calls the house and the phone rings many, many times and then his wife finally answers the phone completely out of breath....

So the doctor says, "What were you doing?" and she says, "l was in bed!" and the doctor says, "What were you doing in bed so late in the day?"

The wife says, "getting a second opinion!"

Hahaha

aaa

Harold, you must have been there to take the picture. Looks like something from around Wasaga Beach.

What discount did you get?

Ralph

i just got the 20. I guess you ate for free!!