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Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife... she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."
Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over... women like that are hard to find."
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I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
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so theres 2 guys fishing (lets call them friend 1 and friend 2) and don't catch anything all day they walk by another fisherman who keeps pulling out fish after fish. the fisherman is nice enough to give the 2 friends 2 fish... 1 fish is a lot bigger than the other.... so the friends clean the fish and cook it at camp.. when the meal is ready friend 1 grabs the bigger fish and stars eating... friend 2 says what heck why do u get the bigger fish... friend 1 says if u were me what would you do.. friend 2 replies " if I grabbed the pan first I would have given you the bigger fish and I would have took the smaller one, that's the friendly thing to do." friend 1 says " hey that's what I did I took the bigger one and gave you the smaller one."
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A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now completely nude, she purred at him,
"What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere, so how can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?!"
Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming, that was me..."
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QUOTE (Knuguy @ Jul 16, 2019 - 04:42 pm)
A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now completely nude, she purred at him,
"What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere, so how can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?!"
Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming, that was me..."
That's a good one..already sent it to my mother in law..lol
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A good one from fatrap
Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies " Yes i do " and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies " Oh I have a personal genie" The first man asks "Can i make a wish? " Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing" "Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says " I want a Million Bucks " The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other " Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt He?" The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC"
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From yakfisher and fat rap
An Ontario woodpecker was minding his own business when a Vancouver woodpecker flew up to him. "Do you have any harder trees here? These are way too soft for me." The Ontario woodpecker lured him over to a tree nearby. "here you go. No Ontario woodpecker can even make a mark on these trees." The Vancouver woodpecker goes peck, peck, peck. A big hole in the tree instantly. "That's soft as well. We have a tree in Vancouver that no woodpecker in the world can peck." With his curiosity getting the better of him the Ontario woodpecker flew with his new friend off to Vancouver. "Here it is, the unpeckable tree" The Ontario woodpecker goes peck, peck, peck. A big hole in the tree instantly.
What's the moral of the story?
Your Pecker is always harder when you are away from home.
The joke thread, Add your favorite joke here
