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Member No.: 3100
Joined: January 22, 2013
A mom visits her son who lives with a girl as a roommate for dinner. During his meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there's more between him and his roommate. Reading his mom's thought, her son volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."
About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,"Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose your mother took it, do you? He said, "well I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure! He sat down and wrote, Dear mom, After your visit me, the silver plate has been missing. "I'm not saying that you did take the silver plate from my house, and I'm not saying that you didn't take it, but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Your son.
Several days later, he received an email from his mother which read: Dear Son, "I'm not saying that you do sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you don't sleep with her: but the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow. Love, Mom
Group: Members
Posts: 450
Member No.: 10488
Joined: January 11, 2016
Just wondering if anyone knows the answer to this age old problem If women claim to be multitasking why can they not have a headache and sex at the same time
Group: Members
Posts: 5030
Member No.: 877
Joined: November 06, 2011
Garage Door The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Jaguar parked in there?'
She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires..
Group: Members
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Member No.: 4727
Joined: September 29, 2013
Old guy goes into Tim Hortons orders a coffee and sits down. He's looking around and notices a young man with a multi coloured Mohawk haircut. He looks quizzically for a time at the young man,and the kid feeling uncomfortable says to the old man,"why are you staring at my hair?,have you not done anything crazy before"?
The old man says"actually I have,I got really drunk one night and fuc/-d a peacock,and I was just curious to see if you were my son!
Group: Members
Posts: 5030
Member No.: 877
Joined: November 06, 2011
I went to the shop the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there was a damn traffic officer writing a parking ticket for over-running the meter.
So I went up to him and said,
"Come on, how about giving a man a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for also having parked partially on the pavement!!
So I called him a son of a mutant pig. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!!
This went on for about 20 minutes and the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't give a damn.
Group: Members
Posts: 5030
Member No.: 877
Joined: November 06, 2011
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The Farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship.
To no avail, she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice and making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride.
While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.
At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head, no and mumble a reply.
Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'Can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'
Group: Members
Posts: 5030
Member No.: 877
Joined: November 06, 2011
After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop? ' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'...
Group: Members
Posts: 166
Member No.: 4919
Joined: December 01, 2013
A recent article in the newspaper reported that a woman, has sued a hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there he lost all interest in sex
A hospital spokesman replied: The woman's husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight.....”
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